JOHN’S GUIDE: BLOGHOUSE

SIDECHAIN YOUR BRAIN

I would say that I know a little bit about music, but there’s a lot of gaps in my knowledge. This isn’t the definitive guide… It’s just John’s Guide.

Here’s how I know I’m officially old: Zoomers are now romanticizing an era of culture that I lived through and feel deeply confused about revisiting. It’s an era that I spent flying around the country on budget airlines, getting paid $250 to play parties sponsored by Colt 45 and Converse. It started before I was legally able to drink and it ended a few years after that. Let's say 2005-2010. It wasn’t a good time in my life, but it had its moments. We didn’t call it Indie Sleaze, obviously. We called it bloghouse.

What was bloghouse? The parameters were slippery at best. When I think about the style, I think about sidechained synth bass, and I picture a tongue stained with Sparks. It was music that was shared and remixed on the internet and then presented at clubs where young people with DSLR cameras shot photos of other young people with DSLR cameras and then posted those photos back onto the internet. A lot of American Apparel v-necks.

I wrote a song about this moment, back in 2019. It might actually come out soon. I’m glad I’m not 21 anymore. You can change your life if you want to. Anyways. I think it’s most helpful to examine this shit on a song-by-song basis. So let’s get into it, people. 12 songs. A blog about bloghouse.

Justice “Waters Of Nazereth”

I’m going to start and end this list with Justice. I don’t want to. But I feel like I sort of have to. “Waters Of Nazareth” was clearly one template for what many will agree is the “classic bloghouse sound,” but I remember it almost feeling lo-fi after a point, especially when played at clubs in the mix with the pumped-up next generation of tracks. “Rocker” by Alter Ego definitely deserves to be in the proto-bloghouse cannon, too. But that’s about as far as I’ll go with any cannon talk. Remember kids, this is John’s Guide. Where was I? Yes: “Waters Of Nazereth” is bitcrushed headbanger madness. It’s more than a little Aphex’d out, and it sounds pretty good to me in 2023.

Puzique “Don’t Go”

Here is a Boys Noize alter ego doing euphoric French filter house as good as any actual French person. It goes without saying, but Daft Punk got played at every bloghouse party. Daft Punk were the Velvet Underground of bloghouse. And that is not a sentence that I feel great about writing.

Proxy “Raven”

The whole grinding cocaine electro end of bloghouse wasn’t my favorite music. I liked it but I didn’t love it. A lot of generic tracks were being pumped out around that time, and I can now appreciate them in the same way I can appreciate donk music or psytrance. But I have nothing interesting to say about a lot of that stuff. “The Raven,” though? This tune is fucking sick. The breakdown alone: rave strobe paranoia supreme.

Armand Van Helden (Feat. Fat Joe and BL) “Touch Your Toes”

AVH is one of my all-time favorite house producers. The OG Ali G has kept a presence in the game since the 90s, and this 2007 cut is a personal favorite. It’s a hip house song with Fat Joe rapping. I mean, really, what more do you people want? Is this bloghouse? As someone who made hip house during this era, I’m going to say yes.

The Outfield “Your Love (Roctakon Remix)”

Running alongside bloghouse was a hipster interest in regional dance music scenes. Things like baile funk and Baltimore club. I was very inspired by Baltimore club, but was it bloghouse? I’m going to throw a curveball and say no. But do you know what was bloghouse? Baltimore club remixes of 80s rock songs made by outsiders to both the city and the genre. None were as important as this flip by the legendary Roctakon. It was done as a meta-joke and then it became a giant club hit. 

Spank Rock (Feat. Amanda Blank) “Bump (Switch Remix)”

How do I explain fidget house? It was a substyle of bloghouse that was a bit more jacking and British than the fist-pumping, robot-rocking French-type stuff. Switch pretty much pioneered the sound, and his shit was always a bit more freaked out than the kids who ripped him off. I’m not going to get into the rap end of bloghouse, because that’s probably its own guide, but Spank Rock’s first record is a sleeper classic. It’s pretty unclassifiable when you really listen to it. Amanda Blank’s verse on this track is legendary. 

Fake Blood “Mars”

A lot of my favorite bloghouse tunes were less indie rock or electro and more rave. “Mars” is a fidget anthem guided by big bass and anthemic stabs and some frankly concerning animal noises. It peaked at number three on the Belgian dance chart.

Tiga “Far From Home (DFA Remix)”

The whole DFA funky punky thing existed on the borderlands of blog house–it was a bit more “tasteful” than a lot of its cousins. But that didn’t mean those fuckers couldn’t get nasty with the synth bass. This is my favorite DFA remix, it starts on a bit of a Spacemen 3/komische tip before exploding into galaxy disco mode and then ending with a powerdrone. 

Klaxons “Gravity’s Rainbow (Soulwax Remix)”

When it came to the indie end of the bloghouse game, DFA and Soulwax were simply better than most of their contemporaries. For whatever the hell that’s worth in 2023. Why am I even writing this? It would be nice to stop caring about music… OK, the reason I’m including this one is a sort of “two birds with one stone”-type situation: I get to mention Soulwax and then I also get to talk about Klaxons, who were the biggest band within the fleeting bloghouse-concurrent British movement known as “nu-rave.” Dear god. Again: what am I doing with my life? I always thought Klaxons sounded like Q and Not U. I was not looking for a post punk band at that point in my development. Pretty good remix, though.

AC Slater “Jack Got Jacked (Jack Beats Remix)”

There would be no Skrillex if it wasn’t for the Trouble & Bass crew. They put bloghouse and dubstep and grime and Baltimore club all together into a giant vat of low end. There might’ve even been some “rock and roll attitude” thrown in there too. AC Slater went on to release records on Skrillex’s imprint; he now runs a successful label and party in Los Angeles. My friend Mocky used to refer to the whole bloghouse era as pre-DM. It really did lay the groundwork for a lot of psycho culture. 

Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Heads Will Roll (A-Trak Remix)”

It’s sort of amazing how durable this remix is. One of the few tunes from the scene that became a full-on stadium anthem. It’s probably the least-forgotten track on this list. You will hear it at stadiums, for sure. And also weddings and frat parties.  

Justice Vs Simian “We Are Your Friends”

Like I said, I had to do it. I downloaded “We Are Your Friends” from Fluxblog in the spring of 2004. It got play in the car during a tour I went on around that time–very early in the game for both my touring career and also this thing that we call bloghouse. I loved it back then. After a point, though, I couldn’t hear “We Are Your Friends” and not think about mustaches and flight delays and the smell of stale beer combined with cleaning products. Well, I am here to report that it sounds OK again. I’m not sure if it will ever sound good. The movie of the same name is worth watching. Trust me on that one.