PUBLIC LISTENING: GUITAR CENTER
ROCK LIVES HERE
For me, the sensation of stepping into a Guitar Center is much like that of stepping into a sauna: just an immediate hit of relief and well-being. There is nothing better than strolling through a brightly lit, carpeted showroom and listening to a kid butcher the opening riff to “Today” by The Smashing Pumpkins. You can’t beat hearing a middle-aged man run through blues scales while a Kings Of Leon song plays softly through an overhead speaker. There is no sweeter sound than that of an employee hard-selling a speaker warranty package to a bewildered parent.
Around 20 years ago, my conceptual post-grunge cover band Body Jazz attempted to make a video at a suburban Milwaukee Guitar Center, but I accidentally taped over the VHS with some video feedback I made of myself blowing spit bubbles. I will never get that footage back; sometimes I stop and think about what our lives would be like if that clip made its way into a European group show. But every day is a new day, a new chance, and a new attempt to steer the vessel to a safe harbor. I spent last Saturday morning at a Guitar Center in Union Square listening to music.
10:49: fnonose & morningtime “cliffside”
The Guitar Center had been open for less than an hour. The place was still rubbing the crust out of its eyes and brewing the Folgers. It was downright serene in that motherfucker. I hoped that by the time I left, it would be filled with the din of rock and roll dreams. On the first floor of the two-level shop were the strings and drums, but I immediately descended the stairs to the nondescript dungeon that housed the keyboards, electronics, and party lights. It was pretty mellow down there, too. A small PA system played a smooth, study-beat-adjacent tune while a man nearby noodled unrelated notes on a piano.
10:52: JAY VANILLA “Missed It”
More study beats, interrupted by a loud beeping noise coming from an indistinct location. I felt like I was in a suburban office building, which is part of Guitar Center’s appeal. I had to go upstairs again. Walking up the staircase, I paused to look at photos of Run DMC, Slash, and Tom Morello. (I’m not sure if I miss being a touring musician.)
10:55: Beach Weather “Chit Chat”
As I studied a variety of Fender-related headwear, it caught my eye: a Fender-branded fedora covered with an all-over print of a guitar. If I were a 22 right now, I would be copping. Here is a power move concept for all you young shoegazers out there: Cop that Fender fedora and wear that shit on stage. It was around then that I remembered the existence of a short-lived Providence band called Guitar Center; I think the whole “band” was just a ton of people playing different songs on the guitar at the same time, but I never saw it for myself.
10:57: Nirvana “Heart Shaped Box”
Now we are talking. Nothing says the end of rock history like Nirvana playing over the speakers at Guitar Center. If only someone was jamming “Smoke On the Water” at the same time. I’ve talked about Courtney Love’s new eight-part BBC special here before. While there is still “simply too much to say” about the thing, I have been thinking about how she is probably one of the few people in the world who has both attempted to play Lady Macbeth and also has an authentic Germs burn.
11:02: Japanese Breakfast “Paprika”
I stood outside of a cabin-like enclosure. Inside, there was an array of high-end guitars, some of them displayed on faux-Roman columns. This room was home of the Guitar Center Platinum Collection. “The Greatest Selection of the Finest Guitars.” I was scared to enter. Not a room for me. What percentage of Guitar Center’s revenue is centered around the bigwigs, the high rollers, and the blues dads? According to the company’s new CEO, not enough. A nearby space dedicated to the bass guitar was called the Rumble Room. I think this is the first time I’ve listened to a Japanese Breakfast song in full. A few feet away from me, an employee instructed a coworker to test out some guitars that were on clearance. “Have fun with it,” he said.
11:05: Middle Kids “Terrible News”
I walked to the front of the store. It was Funko Pop time. Near the entrance, a variety of Funkos sat on a table, some music-related, some not: Snoop Dogg, Iron Maiden, Elvis—all part of Funko’s Pop! Rocks series. I have a feeling that in ten years or so, there’s going to be a lot of art school kids “investigating” these collectables. The Funko display zone was in a musical interzone. Over the speakers played “Terrible News.” To my left, a kid practiced drums in an isolation booth. To my right, a banging dubstep song came out of an office. Now we are talking!
11:08: Zmeyev, Screen Jazzmaster & n o r m a l “WorkinOnIt”
I was back downstairs, rocking with a chill study beat so disrespectful—or maybe, in a sense, deeply respectful, though this was not a cover—to J Dilla that it stole an actual song title from the artist, who is to chill lo-fi music what Grover Washington, Jr. is to smooth jazz. Looking at some KRK speakers, I remembered a classic Al Bedell tweet: “Boys R obsessed with those speakers w the yellow circle in the middle.” An employee talked very fast to an older gentleman, explaining some sort of convoluted trade-in policy that seemed to have quite a few moving parts. Is the Guitar Center salesperson a strange cousin to the used car salesperson?
I’m always fascinated by the vinyl selection at any store that isn’t known for selling records. Here, there was contemporary pop (Rodrigo, Swift, Beyonce), an odd amount of West Coast rap (Dre, Kendrick, N.W.A.), and, of course, the meat and potatoes, the stuff that transcends time... If Guitar Center didn’t have a Rush record for sale, it would feel wrong.
I hit a few notes on a Sequential Take 5 Compact Poly Synth. Not anything I should be doing.
11:18: Big Star “Don’t Lie To Me”
Back upstairs, the place was coming to life. A kid was playing the drums so loudly that it took me a second to realize that I was listening to a Big Star classic. I don’t miss drinking, but there are a few Big Star songs that have the power to make me miss drinking. Quitting at 29 was the only smart thing I did in my 20s.
11:20: Fall Out Boy “Hold Me Like A Grudge”
Behind a selection of drums was wallpaper approximating the look of a textured stone wall.
11:22: Foo Fighters “Everlong”
Not many bands scale to a level that allows them entry into the narrow canon of music that I’m going to call Certified Guitar Center Rock. I’m not talking about the music that gets played at Guitar Center, which is fairly varied—I’m talking about the music that people associate with Guitar Center. And that’s a much smaller group. Foo Fighters are obviously in the group. I think that if Turnstile plays their cards right, they could be a part of the group, too. There is a lot of bullshit that goes along with teetering on the edge of making Certified Guitar Center Rock, but there is also a lot of privilege. If you don’t think it’s powerful that a band like Turnstile can tour throughout South America and play for a few thousand kids a night, I would say that we have different ideas about what it means to use music as a tool for communication. Turnstile is currently the band in the arena. Why am I always thinking about Turnstile? Clearly, I have some unresolved issues around ambition. Now there were four guitar players riffing and noodling at the same time.
11:25: Neil Frances “Music Sounds Better with You”
Back in the drum room, a salesperson aggressively pushed a set of congas on a bald, middle-aged man. The din of the guitars was now almost completely threatening to drown out the sound playing over the speakers, which was a cover of a Stardust classic. The Guitar Center had come to life. It was time for me to leave.
Guitar Center post was so satisfying!
Excellent