PUBLIC LISTENING: H&M
FAST FASHION AND EVEN FASTER BLOGGING
Last week, I attended the Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island. It was a lot of fun until the violent rainstorm. Taking the subway home from that event was a spa-like experience: the climate fluctuated between tropical humidity and brutal air conditioning, which led to a physical sensation that I mostly associate with a trip to the Russian and Turkish Baths.
In search of more of that transcendently cold American AC—I think "American AC" is a good name for a song or a record or even a band, but it upsets me that I still process life this way—I chose to visit the world’s largest H&M store on a Friday night. I could listen to some music while I was there, too.
I don’t know much about H&M. I’ve only ever bought one item from the Swedish clothing retailer: a black blazer that I used to wear when I had to cover art world galas. It seemed like an OK place to listen to music, though, and as a music blogger, I’m always on the lookout for exciting forms of New Music Discovery. I could hit one of New York City’s many clubs or bars or record stores, I guess, but I am more interested in loitering around a three-story fast-fashion store in Midtown.
The AC was disappointing. I was expecting to get hit with the kind of uncomfortable blast that conjures feelings of dread about the future of the planet. What I got was more tepid—maybe a reflection of the brand’s sensible Scandinavian roots. I started to look into H&M’s energy use, but then I remembered that this is a music blog. I barely have anything interesting to say about that, let alone the greenhouse gas emissions of a multinational clothing company. "Sorcery" has 686 Shazams and a washed Stevie Nicks Italo feel. It’s perfect music for contemplating the purchase of a $17 buttondown.
Kassettludde is a Swedish DJ and producer, and "Ily'' is bongo-driven nu-disco done in a coastal style that I associate with Scandinavian producers like Lindstrom and Prins Thomas. What am I doing with my life? I glanced at a jumbotron and then descended the escalator to the men’s floor, where the music was quieter. I spent the rest of the song staring at a pair of blue slim-fit trousers.
"Jacare" is a middling Latin house track; it is music that could’ve been played at any chain clothing store at any point over the past 30 years. After it was over, a woman’s voice advertised the H&M loyalty rewards program. Who selects these in-store playlists? In my attempt to figure that out, I stumbled upon a music video advertising a collaboration between H&M and the fashion brand Mugler: Shygirl, Arca and Eartheater doing a deconstructed cover of "Music Sounds Better With You" by Stardust. "Cutting-edge music and culture" is always one click away. Really exciting stuff. That said, the two-minute clip is better than most contemporary music videos.
The music was quiet; I tried to listen to this song but could only make out a Jersey club kick pattern and jazzy chords. As it played, I studied a graffiti sweatshirt: "Street Culture: Created And Crafted On The Streets Of The City." It looked uncanny, like some shit you might see at a streetwear boutique in Germany or South Korea. The back of the shirt advertised a brand called Harlem Street Culture, which doesn’t seem to have an internet footprint—it was probably created by a Swedish H&M employee. Further online research offered no clarity, though I did stumble upon a sweatshirt on the company’s website that just said BOSTON in graffiti script. That’s a must-cop.
8:03: Armand Van Helden (Feat. Duane Harden) “You Don’t Know Me”
Talk about a filter house retail classic! AVH is one of my all-time favorite dance music producers. I recommend his remix of "My Boo" by Ghost Town DJs. For whatever it's worth, the producer is also the inspiration behind Ali G’s look. I’m not sure how many people know that. Maybe some over a certain age. Anyway, for the first edition of Public Listening, I spent an hour at a Dunkin’ Donuts. That was real mellow... I could’ve done another hour. 15 minutes into my H&M experience, I already wanted to leave.
I was still in the basement, studying a grip of shirts that seemed to be, in some general sense, referencing the past five years of hippie-adjacent streetwear. One said "radiate good energy" in front of a black star and purple spiral; another had a cartoon flower with the caption "make it chill." I felt like a secret spy for a rival fast-fashion company. I’m looking forward to the day when I see an Online Ceramics ripoff in a Walmart. I took an escalator up to the first floor.
Balu Brigada are a "groove pop" duo from New Zealand that I have very little to say about. The members look like male models. There’s a disorienting amount of mirrors at H&M; tracts of vanity bulbs bounced off of mirrored columns and walls, making the store look like the world’s most boring casino. I started to fantasize about a life as H&M’s music curator: globe-trotting through middling boutique hotels and pointless meetings; wearing head-to-toe H&M drip; developing a crippling benzo addiction. I found their in-store Spotify playlist, which included some but not all of the songs that I had been listening to. One Reddit user said the playlist was the only thing that could put her baby to sleep.
By the time "Weekend" was playing, I was already taking the escalator back down to the first floor. Earth and Fire were a Dutch pop band whose popularity peaked in the 1970s. I have never heard of them before, but this chart-topping tune from ‘79 was kind of shmacking. It sounded like Abba trying to sound like Blondie trying to write a reggae song. Some fire marimba work. It’s not hard to spot an actual hit.
8:16: Tensnake (Feat. Jessy Lanza) “Keep It Secret”
I remember Tensnake. In 2010, he made a Balearic classic called "Coma Cat." That’s a fucking choon right there. Judging from the bouncy "Keep It Secret," it seems as if he has continued to stay in that general lane. I was now on the first floor again and I was watching a security guard watch me. I felt like a stoned teenager at a diner.
8:19: Chenayder “Off The Wall”
Chenayder is a 16-year-old singer who seems to be getting a push through industry channels. A lot of this Zoomer bedroom pop glazes over me, but it makes some sense played quietly and in a retail environment. I'm going to see if I can get through an entire year of blogging without referencing "capitalism" or "the algorithm." I hate to say it, but this track... It’s really not all that shmacking.
As I ascended the escalator for the second time, I noticed my phone was close to running out of batteries. In the women's section, there were shirts with Kurt Cobain and Debby Harry’s faces on them. There was a hoodie with angel wings printed on the front. There’s a lot of mystery at H&M. This Robyn cut from 2014 made me think about "Dancing On My Own" and that song’s weird progression through culture, from blogs to Girls to its final resting place as a sports anthem. That reminded me of P!nk’s recent faux-Robyn single "Trustfall," which attempts to locate whatever it was about "Dancing On My Own" that turned it into an almost-accidental stadium hit and replicate that intentionally. The 6,000-word interview I did with P!nk’s opening DJ might be the crowning achievement of this blog so far.
8:26: Create Classics and Pesolife “Poison”
"Poison" is skippy, vocal-driven jungle pop that sounds a little like Nina Archives or PinkPantheress. It’s a bit shmacking! I looked out of the third floor window, whose reflection was dominated by a large red H&M sign, onto an immersive Harry Potter exhibition and a slowly darkening sky. Later that night, I watched a few minutes of a cypher in Union Square. This one guy was freestyling about breakfast.